The Ghosts and Gaffes of Christmas Past! - November 23, 2019
We had wonderful Christmases when I was a child. Even the setting up of the tree. My Dad would go to his preferred lot – I often joined him - and pick out the nicest tree there. He brought it home and positioned it. My brother and I could help decorate the tree, but my Dad was meticulous (the apple has fallen far from the tree.) By the time he was finished, it was a work of art. But also of good housekeeping. He vacuumed under it regularly and always kept it well hydrated. (Mom often worked afternoons and was very glad to come home and have “the tree” done. I so get that – now.)
It was a bit of a shock to my system that when I moved away from home and got married, the automatic tree-putter-upper-and-dresser didn’t just magically appear around December 1. What?! Laur and I were now the adults and we had to do this ourselves? You’ve got to be kidding me!
It wasn’t a big problem at first. We lived in small apartments. So we put up a one food K-Mart Christmas tree with no lights and just a few decorations like “Baby’s First Christmas” gift bulbs. But when we moved to Sudbury and lived in houses, well, expectations changed. Maybe not mine, but my Mom and Dad came up every December for a week to make sure our kids had great Christmases. The least we could do was put up a tree.
We knew from the get-go that we wouldn’t be getting a real tree. How we would bring that home in a Mazda was beyond us. And we knew neither of us would remember to water it and it would likely spontaneously combust and burn the house down (rented in the early years.\0
So we got a Canadian Tire artificial tree and a string of lights. We had a few decorations left over from our mini tree. And we got some donated to us. I never bought decorations. They just accrued over the years – mostly odd things made by our four kids at school and church.
Sounds really Walton-esque, doesn’t it? It wasn’t. Putting up the Christmas tree was truly the nightmare before Christmas. We would never have got around to it until the day my parents were coming up, but we attended St. Andrews’s United Church and the season of Advent was beautifully highlighted. So, the first Sunday of Advent, that’s when Laur when to find the Christmas tree and the bags and boxes of ornaments and decorations.
The kids and I quickly learned to stay out of the way while Laur put the tree up and strung the lights. Why? Because it was a cheap tree and he had to rearrange all the branches while fending off all of our cats plus the rescues from the City Pound. (The dogs got banished to the backyard.)
As if that wasn’t bad enough – there were the Christmas lights. They always managed to tangle themselves into a Gordian knot. After about an hour of unraveling, Laur wrapped them around the tree as best he could – while fending off the cats and, increasingly the kids. Me, I was in hiding – writing the Christmas letter or napping or both. It depended on how much time it took.
Then Laur would plug the lights and … “horse-cat-meow” – this is how his Mom “swore!” Only half the lights would light up! Time to find the bulb that was burned out and hope to heaven that the spares were not the burned out ones from last year.
And finally, the kids would be allowed in to help decorate the tree – and Laur would find me and drag me in. I knew there was going to be fighting and tears.
Child X – “What happened to the decoration I made last year from a dog biscuit?” (Tears! We normally had three dogs. What can I say?)
Child M - “I made that. I get to put that up! Mom, Child A stole my Christmas decoration.” (Tears!)
Child A – “Ha ha! Santa’s not coming this year – Christmas is ruined!” (Tears!)
Child S – Sits in a chair with her head in a book. Just easier.
But all was well that ended well. The tree eventually got dressed and then came the reward – or possible the method of rehydration – given all the sweat and tears. (Normally, no blood. As far as I can remember…) COCA COLA AND POTATO CHIPS! Yee haw! And Laur would put on Harry Belafonte’s Christmas album.
As the years went by and the kids got older and the cat population increased further, the tree became less of a thing for the humans, and more of a gigantic cat toy. Laur would tie the top of the tree to the ceiling and the cats would climb into it and systematically knock off most of the Christmas decorations. They may or may not have been put up again – or not until the day my parents were due to arrive.
*****
And then one day we sold our house at 465 Loach’s Rd. and tossed out the battered old Christmas tree. (I think I may still have some of the ornaments in our storage locker at our apartment in St. Catharines.) And I swore I would never put up another Christmas tree as long as I lived.
And I didn’t until we bought the trailer at lot 134 at the Green Valley RV Resort in Arizona. It came with decorations for the saguaro cactus at the front of the trailer. And a two foot Christmas tree - with lights on it already. We stuck it on a table at the front window, turned it on, and like magic - its multicoloured lights sparkled and shone on a rotating basis…
Or at least they did until last year. This tree, which was starting to look like Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree before it was resuscitated, started to have fits. It wouldn’t do anything and then it would flash brightly but only on part of the tree. There was no rhythm or rhyme to it – but it periodically terrified my hubs. Nothing nothing nothing nothing and then FLASH FLASH (hiccup) FLASH! And then who knew? It has joined its big Sudbury sister in a landfill site.
I asked Laur if he wanted me to buy an artificial tree this year – with lights attached. And he said, “No, it will only work some of the time and then my head will explode.” Fair enough. But I took a friend to buy her Christmas tree – a four foot artificial tree with lights attached – only $16! So I bought one too.
No word of a lie, I also bought my hubs a gigantic box of wheat thins to placate him. There was no way I could bring this tree into the trailer without him seeing it. He said, “Where are we going to put it?!” Hmm, that could be a bit of a challenge. Laur and I are always competing for space. The weights and my spin bike have already taken over the Arizona room. And our living room? Let’s just say that we both have two table with “piles” – and that excludes the kitchen table.
And he asked, “What are you going to decorate it with?” Hmm, true dat. I don’t think I can stand going into the W*lM*art Christmas section again and we don’t have little kids here who want to make ornaments out of Styrofoam cups, pipe cleaners, dog biscuits, or gluey string wrapped around a balloon.
But our friend Ray came up with an idea. He wrote on facebook, “Wow, a Christmas tree for wheat thin ornaments!”
Anyone who knew us in our Sudbury years, wouldn’t put that past me…
It was a bit of a shock to my system that when I moved away from home and got married, the automatic tree-putter-upper-and-dresser didn’t just magically appear around December 1. What?! Laur and I were now the adults and we had to do this ourselves? You’ve got to be kidding me!
It wasn’t a big problem at first. We lived in small apartments. So we put up a one food K-Mart Christmas tree with no lights and just a few decorations like “Baby’s First Christmas” gift bulbs. But when we moved to Sudbury and lived in houses, well, expectations changed. Maybe not mine, but my Mom and Dad came up every December for a week to make sure our kids had great Christmases. The least we could do was put up a tree.
We knew from the get-go that we wouldn’t be getting a real tree. How we would bring that home in a Mazda was beyond us. And we knew neither of us would remember to water it and it would likely spontaneously combust and burn the house down (rented in the early years.\0
So we got a Canadian Tire artificial tree and a string of lights. We had a few decorations left over from our mini tree. And we got some donated to us. I never bought decorations. They just accrued over the years – mostly odd things made by our four kids at school and church.
Sounds really Walton-esque, doesn’t it? It wasn’t. Putting up the Christmas tree was truly the nightmare before Christmas. We would never have got around to it until the day my parents were coming up, but we attended St. Andrews’s United Church and the season of Advent was beautifully highlighted. So, the first Sunday of Advent, that’s when Laur when to find the Christmas tree and the bags and boxes of ornaments and decorations.
The kids and I quickly learned to stay out of the way while Laur put the tree up and strung the lights. Why? Because it was a cheap tree and he had to rearrange all the branches while fending off all of our cats plus the rescues from the City Pound. (The dogs got banished to the backyard.)
As if that wasn’t bad enough – there were the Christmas lights. They always managed to tangle themselves into a Gordian knot. After about an hour of unraveling, Laur wrapped them around the tree as best he could – while fending off the cats and, increasingly the kids. Me, I was in hiding – writing the Christmas letter or napping or both. It depended on how much time it took.
Then Laur would plug the lights and … “horse-cat-meow” – this is how his Mom “swore!” Only half the lights would light up! Time to find the bulb that was burned out and hope to heaven that the spares were not the burned out ones from last year.
And finally, the kids would be allowed in to help decorate the tree – and Laur would find me and drag me in. I knew there was going to be fighting and tears.
Child X – “What happened to the decoration I made last year from a dog biscuit?” (Tears! We normally had three dogs. What can I say?)
Child M - “I made that. I get to put that up! Mom, Child A stole my Christmas decoration.” (Tears!)
Child A – “Ha ha! Santa’s not coming this year – Christmas is ruined!” (Tears!)
Child S – Sits in a chair with her head in a book. Just easier.
But all was well that ended well. The tree eventually got dressed and then came the reward – or possible the method of rehydration – given all the sweat and tears. (Normally, no blood. As far as I can remember…) COCA COLA AND POTATO CHIPS! Yee haw! And Laur would put on Harry Belafonte’s Christmas album.
As the years went by and the kids got older and the cat population increased further, the tree became less of a thing for the humans, and more of a gigantic cat toy. Laur would tie the top of the tree to the ceiling and the cats would climb into it and systematically knock off most of the Christmas decorations. They may or may not have been put up again – or not until the day my parents were due to arrive.
*****
And then one day we sold our house at 465 Loach’s Rd. and tossed out the battered old Christmas tree. (I think I may still have some of the ornaments in our storage locker at our apartment in St. Catharines.) And I swore I would never put up another Christmas tree as long as I lived.
And I didn’t until we bought the trailer at lot 134 at the Green Valley RV Resort in Arizona. It came with decorations for the saguaro cactus at the front of the trailer. And a two foot Christmas tree - with lights on it already. We stuck it on a table at the front window, turned it on, and like magic - its multicoloured lights sparkled and shone on a rotating basis…
Or at least they did until last year. This tree, which was starting to look like Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree before it was resuscitated, started to have fits. It wouldn’t do anything and then it would flash brightly but only on part of the tree. There was no rhythm or rhyme to it – but it periodically terrified my hubs. Nothing nothing nothing nothing and then FLASH FLASH (hiccup) FLASH! And then who knew? It has joined its big Sudbury sister in a landfill site.
I asked Laur if he wanted me to buy an artificial tree this year – with lights attached. And he said, “No, it will only work some of the time and then my head will explode.” Fair enough. But I took a friend to buy her Christmas tree – a four foot artificial tree with lights attached – only $16! So I bought one too.
No word of a lie, I also bought my hubs a gigantic box of wheat thins to placate him. There was no way I could bring this tree into the trailer without him seeing it. He said, “Where are we going to put it?!” Hmm, that could be a bit of a challenge. Laur and I are always competing for space. The weights and my spin bike have already taken over the Arizona room. And our living room? Let’s just say that we both have two table with “piles” – and that excludes the kitchen table.
And he asked, “What are you going to decorate it with?” Hmm, true dat. I don’t think I can stand going into the W*lM*art Christmas section again and we don’t have little kids here who want to make ornaments out of Styrofoam cups, pipe cleaners, dog biscuits, or gluey string wrapped around a balloon.
But our friend Ray came up with an idea. He wrote on facebook, “Wow, a Christmas tree for wheat thin ornaments!”
Anyone who knew us in our Sudbury years, wouldn’t put that past me…