March 29, 2014 - Leapin' Lizards
I promise – this column is not just about a crazy experience at my local gym – though the first part is… It’s more about how I get things wrong on a regular basis. So gym-haters, plough on through.
*****
Saturday mornings I usually laze around drinking coffee and catching up on email and facebook. After a while I go for a one hour walk while listening to CBC’s “Day Six” on my mp3 player. But Friday I missed BodyPump because I had to work. (Pretty good life, I know.)
I am a BodyPump addict. I may not lift much weight and my approach is not stylish, but man I am enthusiastic and there. I just love the upbeat music and the group spirit. Woo hoo! So, since the walking outside is yucky, I decided to attend the Saturday BP class. (I normally don’t go because Saturday is crazy busy at the gym.)
So, BP starts at 9 am, but I like to get there at least 15 minutes early so I can get my usual spot (hiding in front of a large beam) and to set up my equipment (I’m a pokey little puppy,) and so that I can warm up a little on the elliptical machine. I got to the exercise room door and the place was packed and the music was pumping?
Not only that, at least from behind, everyone looked the same – blonde haired, pony-tailed, young and lean. My first thought – and I probably shouldn’t admit it – was that this must be the Barbie Doll Cheerleading Team tryouts. Everyone was leaping around – you can’t imagine the activity level.
Hmm. Fifteen minutes to nine… Classes tend to finish five minutes early, the last five minutes is usually cool-down, and I can’t set up until 9 am anyway. Might as well join in for five minutes – what’s the harm?! So I lizarded in and did more jumping jacks and burpees in five minutes than I’m done in my entire live.
So 10 to 9, not cooling down yet, not by a long shot. So maybe they started late… Nine o’clock and the pace is increasing. Finally I asked a smiling, glowing blonde woman beside me, “Isn’t Body Pump supposed to start now?” She smiled, and without missing a beat or a breath, said, “That’s not ‘til 9:30.” Gah-ah-ah!
By now I’m half-insane anyway, so I might as well finish the class, which I did, sort-of, with a whole lot less movement and optimism. At the end of cool down, I staggered up to the instructor who is absolutely beaming and shining and asked her, “What was that!?” (I wanted to say, “What fresh hell is this!?” but that would have been rude.) She said, “Body Attack!”
*****
Saturday mornings I usually laze around drinking coffee and catching up on email and facebook. After a while I go for a one hour walk while listening to CBC’s “Day Six” on my mp3 player. But Friday I missed BodyPump because I had to work. (Pretty good life, I know.)
I am a BodyPump addict. I may not lift much weight and my approach is not stylish, but man I am enthusiastic and there. I just love the upbeat music and the group spirit. Woo hoo! So, since the walking outside is yucky, I decided to attend the Saturday BP class. (I normally don’t go because Saturday is crazy busy at the gym.)
So, BP starts at 9 am, but I like to get there at least 15 minutes early so I can get my usual spot (hiding in front of a large beam) and to set up my equipment (I’m a pokey little puppy,) and so that I can warm up a little on the elliptical machine. I got to the exercise room door and the place was packed and the music was pumping?
Not only that, at least from behind, everyone looked the same – blonde haired, pony-tailed, young and lean. My first thought – and I probably shouldn’t admit it – was that this must be the Barbie Doll Cheerleading Team tryouts. Everyone was leaping around – you can’t imagine the activity level.
Hmm. Fifteen minutes to nine… Classes tend to finish five minutes early, the last five minutes is usually cool-down, and I can’t set up until 9 am anyway. Might as well join in for five minutes – what’s the harm?! So I lizarded in and did more jumping jacks and burpees in five minutes than I’m done in my entire live.
So 10 to 9, not cooling down yet, not by a long shot. So maybe they started late… Nine o’clock and the pace is increasing. Finally I asked a smiling, glowing blonde woman beside me, “Isn’t Body Pump supposed to start now?” She smiled, and without missing a beat or a breath, said, “That’s not ‘til 9:30.” Gah-ah-ah!
By now I’m half-insane anyway, so I might as well finish the class, which I did, sort-of, with a whole lot less movement and optimism. At the end of cool down, I staggered up to the instructor who is absolutely beaming and shining and asked her, “What was that!?” (I wanted to say, “What fresh hell is this!?” but that would have been rude.) She said, “Body Attack!”
That explained a lot. You see, when I first signed up at GoodLife, I had asked my interviewer about taking that class and she kindly warned me that this is an intense exercise class and not for everyone. No kidding! She then asked, “Was this your first time?!” And I wheezed, “Yes!” And she said, “You did really well for your first time. Will we see you next week?!” I confess, I’m always desperate for affirmation so I said, “Absolutely! I loved it!”
Double gah. See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZAjEw2HLls Oh well, at least BodyPump was lawn-bowling by comparison. Still, I didn’t stay for Zumba. I had to reserve enough energy to walk out to the van, drive home, and slump into the house. |
*****
I promised a non-gym second part about how I get things wrong on a regular basis, and here it is.
On Thursday I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items. I stopped my buggy at the rapini to have a look, but decided against it because I would have to buy three to get the good price. I left my cart for a minute to check out the reduced rack, returned and finished my shopping.
I got to the checkout area and realized my purse and my gigantic shopping bags were missing. Not only that, the top part of my cart had rapini and some other stuff I didn’t put in there.
Ooooopppppssss. I had grabbed someone else’s cart. I raced back to the produce section and there was my original cart, equipped with lettuce, cauliflower, avocadoes and no rapini. What to do. I put the rapini back in that cart, dumped the other produce in my cart, grabbed my purse and the shopping bags, and made a bee-line for the checkout – fully expecting a police chase.
It didn’t happen. And please don’t tell my husband, Laur. Increasingly he must feel he’s married to James Morrison’s mother. If you don’t get the reference check out, http://www.songlyrics.com/…/james-james-morrison-morrison-…/
I promised a non-gym second part about how I get things wrong on a regular basis, and here it is.
On Thursday I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items. I stopped my buggy at the rapini to have a look, but decided against it because I would have to buy three to get the good price. I left my cart for a minute to check out the reduced rack, returned and finished my shopping.
I got to the checkout area and realized my purse and my gigantic shopping bags were missing. Not only that, the top part of my cart had rapini and some other stuff I didn’t put in there.
Ooooopppppssss. I had grabbed someone else’s cart. I raced back to the produce section and there was my original cart, equipped with lettuce, cauliflower, avocadoes and no rapini. What to do. I put the rapini back in that cart, dumped the other produce in my cart, grabbed my purse and the shopping bags, and made a bee-line for the checkout – fully expecting a police chase.
It didn’t happen. And please don’t tell my husband, Laur. Increasingly he must feel he’s married to James Morrison’s mother. If you don’t get the reference check out, http://www.songlyrics.com/…/james-james-morrison-morrison-…/