January 28, 2014 – Snow Jail: Bars Not Required
Jail. That’s what Laurence and I are in right now. Or feel like we are in. What jail are we referring to? Temperatures (with wind-chill) of minus 30 degrees celsius. (Writing “-30C” just doesn’t give it the shock value it deserves.)OK, I admit it. Them is fightin’words for people who have done jail time. Laur and I have very limited experience here. Laur’s was looking after two little kids – his own – while I did my placement, doing my degree in Social Work. I came home one day and he told me he was looking out the window at one point and said, “I’m in prison!” And if you define “prison” as “any place of confinement or seeming confinement,” I guess he was.
Me, at one point, I had a (very short) contract as a Prison-Community chaplain. I visited folks in jail with the hope they would connect with me on release and I could connect them to community supports. Suffice it to say, the minute they got loose, they flew. I don’t blame them. I once led a Church service in a locked room in a jail basement. Gah! Being trapped in an elevator no longer phases me … much.
But Lord Have Mercy, this “polar vortex” or “the winters we used to have” is driving me crazy. I used to tell Laur that if ever I turned down a meal AND didn’t practically bark when it was time to go for a walk, that he should shoot me. Or if it was only one of them, make sure I got medical care – this would mean I was extremely sick to terminally ill.
Well guess what. I am turning down two walks today. I normally go for a wander just before supper, and then drag my hubs for another stroll around 7 pm. Not today. Things are so miserable, at least to me, that I decided to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for half an hour before supper. It would be warm and fuzzy – or so I thought. I will never do this again. January is the month the “New Years Rez” folks take over the gym. (I joined in September, so I’m perfect.)
What was it like? I am not exaggerating when I say that I drove around the usual parking area twice – to no avail - and I ended up parking a five minute walk away. This I can appreciate the humour of, save that it was “for-heavens-sake” freezing out there! By the time I arrived every boot shelf was filled, and – GASP – there was only one treadmill available.
You have to know that I am normally not aggressive. I did not feel normal. I kicked off my boots and flew to the treadie. I stood on it while I removed layers of clothing – remembering to keep the essentials on – and dropped them beside the machine. The woman beside me said, “There is a change room for that, you know.” And I snapped (nicely,) “But this is the only machine available and if I go there, I’ll lose my machine.”
While I was guarding my machine AND putting on my sneakers, a person came up to me and asked – in a rather frustrated tone – if I “was done.” And I said, “No mam, I am just startin’.” She made a sour face and growled. I was in “road rage” – or would it be called “treadie temper?” – so I didn’t care. Typically, for me, once I’d walked for a few minutes, I started to feel guilty. My pile of my gym bag, coat, two sweaters, and snow pants was likely going to trip someone and cause a catastrophic injury…
For the next 27 minutes I debated if I should do the right thing and abandon my treadmill and put my stuff in a locker. I kept peaking over to see if there were empty treadies I could snag if I started to feel kindlier… There weren’t. I persevered. No one died. I came home. And tonight I’m staying home.
I could have chosen an exercise bicycle, I guess. In fact, returning to the jail motif, that’s what the prisoners at Sheriff Joe’s facility have to do if they want to watch TV. (Sherriff Joe Arpaio is American’s Toughest Sherriff, and, yes, he’s in Arizona.) The sheriff's staff customized a stationary bike so that when inmates pedal it, it generates 12 volts of electricity - enough to run a 19-inch TV. An hour of pedaling equals about an hour of TV time.
No great surprise – Sherriff Joe said he debuted his new program with female inmates because they seemed more receptive to the idea. Critics ask, “So what's next from personal trainer Arpaio? How about ‘run a mile, win a nail file’...”
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sheriff-joe-arpaio-presents-prison-exercise-plan-inmates-pedal-for-tv-privileges/
Me, at one point, I had a (very short) contract as a Prison-Community chaplain. I visited folks in jail with the hope they would connect with me on release and I could connect them to community supports. Suffice it to say, the minute they got loose, they flew. I don’t blame them. I once led a Church service in a locked room in a jail basement. Gah! Being trapped in an elevator no longer phases me … much.
But Lord Have Mercy, this “polar vortex” or “the winters we used to have” is driving me crazy. I used to tell Laur that if ever I turned down a meal AND didn’t practically bark when it was time to go for a walk, that he should shoot me. Or if it was only one of them, make sure I got medical care – this would mean I was extremely sick to terminally ill.
Well guess what. I am turning down two walks today. I normally go for a wander just before supper, and then drag my hubs for another stroll around 7 pm. Not today. Things are so miserable, at least to me, that I decided to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for half an hour before supper. It would be warm and fuzzy – or so I thought. I will never do this again. January is the month the “New Years Rez” folks take over the gym. (I joined in September, so I’m perfect.)
What was it like? I am not exaggerating when I say that I drove around the usual parking area twice – to no avail - and I ended up parking a five minute walk away. This I can appreciate the humour of, save that it was “for-heavens-sake” freezing out there! By the time I arrived every boot shelf was filled, and – GASP – there was only one treadmill available.
You have to know that I am normally not aggressive. I did not feel normal. I kicked off my boots and flew to the treadie. I stood on it while I removed layers of clothing – remembering to keep the essentials on – and dropped them beside the machine. The woman beside me said, “There is a change room for that, you know.” And I snapped (nicely,) “But this is the only machine available and if I go there, I’ll lose my machine.”
While I was guarding my machine AND putting on my sneakers, a person came up to me and asked – in a rather frustrated tone – if I “was done.” And I said, “No mam, I am just startin’.” She made a sour face and growled. I was in “road rage” – or would it be called “treadie temper?” – so I didn’t care. Typically, for me, once I’d walked for a few minutes, I started to feel guilty. My pile of my gym bag, coat, two sweaters, and snow pants was likely going to trip someone and cause a catastrophic injury…
For the next 27 minutes I debated if I should do the right thing and abandon my treadmill and put my stuff in a locker. I kept peaking over to see if there were empty treadies I could snag if I started to feel kindlier… There weren’t. I persevered. No one died. I came home. And tonight I’m staying home.
I could have chosen an exercise bicycle, I guess. In fact, returning to the jail motif, that’s what the prisoners at Sheriff Joe’s facility have to do if they want to watch TV. (Sherriff Joe Arpaio is American’s Toughest Sherriff, and, yes, he’s in Arizona.) The sheriff's staff customized a stationary bike so that when inmates pedal it, it generates 12 volts of electricity - enough to run a 19-inch TV. An hour of pedaling equals about an hour of TV time.
No great surprise – Sherriff Joe said he debuted his new program with female inmates because they seemed more receptive to the idea. Critics ask, “So what's next from personal trainer Arpaio? How about ‘run a mile, win a nail file’...”
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sheriff-joe-arpaio-presents-prison-exercise-plan-inmates-pedal-for-tv-privileges/