A Four Part Play - January 19, 2019
This week, instead of one longer Sunshine story, I am capturing a few vignettes that have happened in our crazy AZ lives. (I apologize for the longer length.)
Scene One: Meanwhile at the Guard Shack
Our hiking friend B let me know that P at the “Guard Shack” (which is really the Greeters Gate) wanted to donate to the area food bank. Of course, I was thrilled, and of course, I slowed down my morning slog (slow jog) when I went past him.
And P called me over and I was just a grinnin’. Now, at the time, he was talking to another senior gentleman – but he digressed. Said he, “Here, Jan, I want to give you some money.” The other gentleman said, “What’s that for?! You never give me any money.” The GS lad said with a wink to me, “That’s for a few nights ago!”
DIDN’T WE ALL CHORTLE AT THAT OR WHAT!? This is a Senior’s RV Park and I can assure you there is no dalliance here – if not for reasons of modesty or age, then for reasons of gossip!
Scene Two: Sisterhood of the Lost Aunts
Three gal pals and I call ourselves “The Sisterhood of the Travelling Aunts” (from the movie “The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.”) Three of us – B, V, and I – drive us to Tucson one Tuesday a month to have lunch with our friend J. Sadly, this past Tuesday our friend V couldn’t go – her dog needed some veterinary care. (Don’t worry. He’s fine.) So B and I struck off on our own. We’ve been there before – what could possibly go wrong?
Well, we forgot to get off the highway at Valencia and continued on to Irvington and turned off there. We kept driving west but something felt wrong – the houses were thinning out, for one thing. B had forgotten her GPS and her cell phone – with all the numbers programmed into it including J’s and our pastor’s – either of whom could have redirected us.
I had my phone and my paper-based phone-and-address list, but I didn’t have J’s phone number or address in there. I tried asking Google on my phone to help us find “The Echelon” which is where J lives. But I couldn’t connect to the internet and didn’t have a clue how to change the settings on my phone so that I could.
Finally, we drove to a gas station and went into the convenience store. There, a very sweet lad behind the counter, looked up the directions on his cell phone and read them to us so that I could write them down on a scrap piece of paper. We were a few minutes late and J was waiting outside wondering what in the world could have happened to us. And then she remembered … I was in the car… Calamity Jan.
Scene Three: Get Me to the Church on Time
Our church – Good Shepherd – is putting together a photo and address book – through a company called LifeTouch. I booked our appointment at the Lutheran Church for 5:30 pm on a Wednesday. Why could possibly be funny about booking an appointment? Well…
1.Both of us were in severe need of a haircut and I have grey roots an inch long.
2.By 5:30 – both of us have bags under our eyes that superglue will not hold up.
3.Our home church is United Church of Christ. We are in Canada the week they are doing photos there so the Lutherans have fitted us into their schedule. And our hope is that we show up in the UCC photo book – not the Lutheran. But heck, I’m a member of three churches already – All Peoples, Grace, and Good Shepherd. What’s a fourth?! This one is called Desert Hills, which when I left a note for Laur I called Dessert Hills.
It got funnier – at least for us.
The last time Laur and I had our pictures in the church directory was 1990. It was the year of the BIG HAIR. There is a line in a Fred Eaglesmith song that goes, “The higher the hair, the closer to God.” Perhaps that’s the effect we were looking for.
Scene IV: The Car Works if You’re Going Downhill
On Thursday, I was kinda laughing… You know the day you plan and the day that happens?
The first part went right. Laur got to post his hike while I did my bone density exercises. (If you are a gal under 60, just wait…) And we had a swim.
And then things went kinda downhill. Our 1997 car – which we love – developed a leak in the coolant system – but I was determined to read with “my kids” at SV. So hubs filled up the tank as best he could and said, as he pointed to a thermometer, in the car, “If the temperature hits here, pull over and call Roadside Assistance.”
Well I got to the school and back, only to find Laur tearing out what it left of his hair. He was planning to reread the Scriptures for his sermon, on February 3 in Canada - but our internet was on the fritz. Nothing makes one less holy than internet on the fritz. It took two hours to sort it out. Thankfully, he was able to get a 3 pm appt for our car. And off he went.
Then my turn to freak out. My plan was to finish the GVRVR newsletter / calendar / daily activities. But it was not to be. All I had to do first was renew my AARP membership (American Association of Retired Persons) in order to get a reduction on our auto insurance. Many credit card failures later – not because we aren’t paid up but because the system goes mad if we try to pay with the American MC when it has the Canadian MC in its records, and vice versa – I was able to pay $17 for my AARP membership. And the reward, for me? $17 discount on our auto insurance. OK, it’s not always about me… And I do support AARP because they care about vulnerable low-income Americans 50+ … And I do too.
Laur called at 4 pm. Things were taking longer than they should. “Anything you want me to get at Walmart?” When Laur offers to go to Walmart, you know that things are at an all time low. I said, “We need soya milk.” And Laur said, “That’s too heavy to carry.”
And this is when I got my next fit of the giggles / reality check. The only reason we have these “problems” is because we are Snowbirds. And we can only be Snowbirds as long as we don’t “blow a gasket” in the health department. So, time to make a healthy supper and get in our heart-friendly after supper walk.
*****
Here is another Garrison Keillor quote that sums things up pretty nicely, “You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.”
Scene One: Meanwhile at the Guard Shack
Our hiking friend B let me know that P at the “Guard Shack” (which is really the Greeters Gate) wanted to donate to the area food bank. Of course, I was thrilled, and of course, I slowed down my morning slog (slow jog) when I went past him.
And P called me over and I was just a grinnin’. Now, at the time, he was talking to another senior gentleman – but he digressed. Said he, “Here, Jan, I want to give you some money.” The other gentleman said, “What’s that for?! You never give me any money.” The GS lad said with a wink to me, “That’s for a few nights ago!”
DIDN’T WE ALL CHORTLE AT THAT OR WHAT!? This is a Senior’s RV Park and I can assure you there is no dalliance here – if not for reasons of modesty or age, then for reasons of gossip!
Scene Two: Sisterhood of the Lost Aunts
Three gal pals and I call ourselves “The Sisterhood of the Travelling Aunts” (from the movie “The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.”) Three of us – B, V, and I – drive us to Tucson one Tuesday a month to have lunch with our friend J. Sadly, this past Tuesday our friend V couldn’t go – her dog needed some veterinary care. (Don’t worry. He’s fine.) So B and I struck off on our own. We’ve been there before – what could possibly go wrong?
Well, we forgot to get off the highway at Valencia and continued on to Irvington and turned off there. We kept driving west but something felt wrong – the houses were thinning out, for one thing. B had forgotten her GPS and her cell phone – with all the numbers programmed into it including J’s and our pastor’s – either of whom could have redirected us.
I had my phone and my paper-based phone-and-address list, but I didn’t have J’s phone number or address in there. I tried asking Google on my phone to help us find “The Echelon” which is where J lives. But I couldn’t connect to the internet and didn’t have a clue how to change the settings on my phone so that I could.
Finally, we drove to a gas station and went into the convenience store. There, a very sweet lad behind the counter, looked up the directions on his cell phone and read them to us so that I could write them down on a scrap piece of paper. We were a few minutes late and J was waiting outside wondering what in the world could have happened to us. And then she remembered … I was in the car… Calamity Jan.
Scene Three: Get Me to the Church on Time
Our church – Good Shepherd – is putting together a photo and address book – through a company called LifeTouch. I booked our appointment at the Lutheran Church for 5:30 pm on a Wednesday. Why could possibly be funny about booking an appointment? Well…
1.Both of us were in severe need of a haircut and I have grey roots an inch long.
2.By 5:30 – both of us have bags under our eyes that superglue will not hold up.
3.Our home church is United Church of Christ. We are in Canada the week they are doing photos there so the Lutherans have fitted us into their schedule. And our hope is that we show up in the UCC photo book – not the Lutheran. But heck, I’m a member of three churches already – All Peoples, Grace, and Good Shepherd. What’s a fourth?! This one is called Desert Hills, which when I left a note for Laur I called Dessert Hills.
It got funnier – at least for us.
- The photographers were running late so I got to chat with some members of the Lutheran Men’s Choir as they were leaving rehearsal. It was like an episode of Garrison Keillor’s “The Lutherans of Lake Wobegon.” You know the humor… “When you fly Lutheran Air, there's no first class, meals are potluck with assignments by rows (rows 1-6, bring rolls; rows, 7-15, salad), all fares are by freewill offering, and the plane doesn't land until the budget is met.”
- Laur and I both got a fit of the giggles during our session. The photographer would pose us and then we’d fall out of pose. She had to keep instructing me, “Don’t pull your arm up so close to your husband’s neck – it looks like you are about to strangle him.” “Put your fingers together. It looks like you’re trying to claw him.”
- I asked her if were going to have any poses with me sitting on Laur’s lap. She said, “No, this is a Church Directory.” And in all pics, my left hand was exposed – to show my wedding ring, of course.
The last time Laur and I had our pictures in the church directory was 1990. It was the year of the BIG HAIR. There is a line in a Fred Eaglesmith song that goes, “The higher the hair, the closer to God.” Perhaps that’s the effect we were looking for.
Scene IV: The Car Works if You’re Going Downhill
On Thursday, I was kinda laughing… You know the day you plan and the day that happens?
The first part went right. Laur got to post his hike while I did my bone density exercises. (If you are a gal under 60, just wait…) And we had a swim.
And then things went kinda downhill. Our 1997 car – which we love – developed a leak in the coolant system – but I was determined to read with “my kids” at SV. So hubs filled up the tank as best he could and said, as he pointed to a thermometer, in the car, “If the temperature hits here, pull over and call Roadside Assistance.”
Well I got to the school and back, only to find Laur tearing out what it left of his hair. He was planning to reread the Scriptures for his sermon, on February 3 in Canada - but our internet was on the fritz. Nothing makes one less holy than internet on the fritz. It took two hours to sort it out. Thankfully, he was able to get a 3 pm appt for our car. And off he went.
Then my turn to freak out. My plan was to finish the GVRVR newsletter / calendar / daily activities. But it was not to be. All I had to do first was renew my AARP membership (American Association of Retired Persons) in order to get a reduction on our auto insurance. Many credit card failures later – not because we aren’t paid up but because the system goes mad if we try to pay with the American MC when it has the Canadian MC in its records, and vice versa – I was able to pay $17 for my AARP membership. And the reward, for me? $17 discount on our auto insurance. OK, it’s not always about me… And I do support AARP because they care about vulnerable low-income Americans 50+ … And I do too.
Laur called at 4 pm. Things were taking longer than they should. “Anything you want me to get at Walmart?” When Laur offers to go to Walmart, you know that things are at an all time low. I said, “We need soya milk.” And Laur said, “That’s too heavy to carry.”
And this is when I got my next fit of the giggles / reality check. The only reason we have these “problems” is because we are Snowbirds. And we can only be Snowbirds as long as we don’t “blow a gasket” in the health department. So, time to make a healthy supper and get in our heart-friendly after supper walk.
*****
Here is another Garrison Keillor quote that sums things up pretty nicely, “You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.”