October 31, 2013 – E.T. Calls Tech Support
Somewhere out there ... a Technical Support Worker may need to be taken out to a bar and have his heroism celebrated. Yes, he survived repeated phone calls from E.T. – Elderly Technophobe. Me.
*****
Monday night our internet wasn’t working very well. I didn’t mind – I had some great books and wanted to go to bed early anyway.
Tuesday morning – still no internet. I minded. In fact, I was heading into withdrawal. I was sour-faced in yoga, and down-right nasty on the treadmill.
Got home. Still no internet. Picked up the phone and called our internet provider – gritting my teeth, waiting to be put on a support line loop for at least half an hour. I was maddened even more when a lad I’ll call Uly (short for Unlucky) picked up immediately. (OK, actually, I was thrilled – but I still wanted to be ill-tempered.)
JAN – I haven’t got internet. Is there any chance it’s “down” in our part of the South End? (My tone was only slightly higher than a deep growl.)
ULY – I don’t think so. May I have (...identifying information.) ... From here is appears that the internet signal is definitely going into your home. (Uly said it more competently that that. Remember, I’m a technophobe.)
Uly then asked me about the various arrays of lights on the modem and the router – and it must have driven him crazy since I truly didn’t know the difference. We ended up with me just calling them by their manufacturers’ names – Motorola and D-Link.
ULY – I need you to hook your computer to the modem directly to see...
JAN – My computer is upstairs.
ULY – Do you have a portable?
JAN – Yes, upstairs.
ULY – Could you bring it downstairs?
Grrr. I said I’d call him back. I brought the computer downstairs, hooked it up and called again.
ULY – OK, so it appears that the internet is working.
JAN – It’s not working. That’s why I called.
ULY – I mean with the cable attached directly.
JAN – Oh. ... Yep, it’s working again.
ULY – That means the problem is with the router. You’ll need to buy a new one.
Gah! Out the door and off to Wal-Mart. I picked on Wal-Mart only because they have an easy return policy and I am a piece of techno-equipment’s worst enemy. You see, I am clumsy and inclined to shove square pegs into round holes, etc.
The lad at Wal-Mart’s technology department was great. “Here you go – it’s plug and play.” A fellow shopper told me it was the unit she had and that it was idiot-proof.
I took it home, having purchased it, and plugged it in. It didn’t play. I phoned Uly again.
JAN – I’ve plugged it in and nothing is working.
ULY – Hmm...
Uly then led me through a number of unplugs and plug-ins and code entries, several times. No go.
ULY – Hmm. I think we’ll need extra support.
I think at that point he meant a stiff drink or six and a new job. But he still sounded pleasant and concerned.
ULY – I’d going to have someone else call you back. (Shift change? I hope for his sake, it was.)
I thought this was the last I would ever hear back from our internet provider, but sure enough, ten minutes later, Puc (Poor Unfortunate Co-worker) called. It took awhile for him to re-guide me through the process – I entered things wrong, I dropped the phone – but tra-da – we eventually had internet. Still do. (Sigh! What can I attribute my grouchiness to now?!)
*****
These help-line lads and lasses deserve recognition – I don’t know if it should be the Order of Canada or the Stephen Leacock Medal for Humour. But apparently there are offenders worse than me. “Snopes” features one that they say isn’t true – but they’ve never worked as “Incoming” at a call centre, or been as techno-challenged as some of us. See http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp
And stay tuned. Today I phoned a help-line to get started with my MP3 player. The Service Rep finally said, “Our line seems to be cutting in and out. Give me your email address and I’ll send you the information.”
Were I her – for the sake of the machine that seems to be cowering on my desk – I’d have given me advice similar to that of the Word Perfect Technical Support Worker. “Take it back ... You’re too stupid to ...”
*****
Monday night our internet wasn’t working very well. I didn’t mind – I had some great books and wanted to go to bed early anyway.
Tuesday morning – still no internet. I minded. In fact, I was heading into withdrawal. I was sour-faced in yoga, and down-right nasty on the treadmill.
Got home. Still no internet. Picked up the phone and called our internet provider – gritting my teeth, waiting to be put on a support line loop for at least half an hour. I was maddened even more when a lad I’ll call Uly (short for Unlucky) picked up immediately. (OK, actually, I was thrilled – but I still wanted to be ill-tempered.)
JAN – I haven’t got internet. Is there any chance it’s “down” in our part of the South End? (My tone was only slightly higher than a deep growl.)
ULY – I don’t think so. May I have (...identifying information.) ... From here is appears that the internet signal is definitely going into your home. (Uly said it more competently that that. Remember, I’m a technophobe.)
Uly then asked me about the various arrays of lights on the modem and the router – and it must have driven him crazy since I truly didn’t know the difference. We ended up with me just calling them by their manufacturers’ names – Motorola and D-Link.
ULY – I need you to hook your computer to the modem directly to see...
JAN – My computer is upstairs.
ULY – Do you have a portable?
JAN – Yes, upstairs.
ULY – Could you bring it downstairs?
Grrr. I said I’d call him back. I brought the computer downstairs, hooked it up and called again.
ULY – OK, so it appears that the internet is working.
JAN – It’s not working. That’s why I called.
ULY – I mean with the cable attached directly.
JAN – Oh. ... Yep, it’s working again.
ULY – That means the problem is with the router. You’ll need to buy a new one.
Gah! Out the door and off to Wal-Mart. I picked on Wal-Mart only because they have an easy return policy and I am a piece of techno-equipment’s worst enemy. You see, I am clumsy and inclined to shove square pegs into round holes, etc.
The lad at Wal-Mart’s technology department was great. “Here you go – it’s plug and play.” A fellow shopper told me it was the unit she had and that it was idiot-proof.
I took it home, having purchased it, and plugged it in. It didn’t play. I phoned Uly again.
JAN – I’ve plugged it in and nothing is working.
ULY – Hmm...
Uly then led me through a number of unplugs and plug-ins and code entries, several times. No go.
ULY – Hmm. I think we’ll need extra support.
I think at that point he meant a stiff drink or six and a new job. But he still sounded pleasant and concerned.
ULY – I’d going to have someone else call you back. (Shift change? I hope for his sake, it was.)
I thought this was the last I would ever hear back from our internet provider, but sure enough, ten minutes later, Puc (Poor Unfortunate Co-worker) called. It took awhile for him to re-guide me through the process – I entered things wrong, I dropped the phone – but tra-da – we eventually had internet. Still do. (Sigh! What can I attribute my grouchiness to now?!)
*****
These help-line lads and lasses deserve recognition – I don’t know if it should be the Order of Canada or the Stephen Leacock Medal for Humour. But apparently there are offenders worse than me. “Snopes” features one that they say isn’t true – but they’ve never worked as “Incoming” at a call centre, or been as techno-challenged as some of us. See http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp
And stay tuned. Today I phoned a help-line to get started with my MP3 player. The Service Rep finally said, “Our line seems to be cutting in and out. Give me your email address and I’ll send you the information.”
Were I her – for the sake of the machine that seems to be cowering on my desk – I’d have given me advice similar to that of the Word Perfect Technical Support Worker. “Take it back ... You’re too stupid to ...”