Chef Laurence Schmecks Again! - September 9, 2017
You would think that the minute Laurence announces that he’d like to make one of the gazillion recipes I “like” on facebook, I would jump for joy and quit the kitchen. But instead, I always ask him to wait for a few days until we can have some company over to enjoy it with us.
I sound like I’m being generous, but I’m not. I just know that when Chef Laurence makes something new (or old) in the kitchen, it’s going to be a major production and this means:
a) shopping for a list of weird ingredients most shops have never heard of
b) Laur will cook enough to feed the five thousand
c) there will likely be a crisis and it’s nice to have guests to help calm things down.
Besides, I hate cooking supper so much that I usually have done all the prep for it by the time Laur is finished his lunch. (I’m a fast eater. Laur once suggested I just throw everything in a blender and toss it back. I’m not proud of this – but my nickname should probably be “The Shoveller.” If you’ve watched Mystery Men, you’ll get the reference.)
What was the dish Laur decided to make? Lemon Kale Pesto with Pasta and Vegan Parmesan. That sounds simple enough, but you know it’s not going to be. The pesto and parm required a few unusual ingredients. (By the way, I’ve posted the recipes at the end of this story. I know you’ll be chomping at the bit to try them.)
Unusual Ingredients
Hemp seeds. I wondered if we were going to have to go to a “pot shop” to get these, but amazingly enough Bulk Barn has this in one of its gigantic bins. Hemp is a variety of the cannabis plant but apparently doesn’t have enough THC to get you high. But a gigantic bin full?! Hmmm.
Sun-dried tomatoes. We could not find these, except in a jar with a spicy oil. Of course, neither of us took this into consideration when making up the pesto sauce.
Red pepper flakes. We could not find these at any of three stores we wandered around in. Fortunately, I found a substitute chart on line - 1/2 teaspoon of cayenne for every 3/4 teaspoon of crushed red pepper flakes. This does assume you can “do the math” and, well, there is a reason Laur majored in English.
Nutritional yeast. You are probably wondering what the heck that is. This is a vegan staple and this is something we actually always have on hand. If you haven’t had cheese for a very long time, you can convince yourself that nutritional yeast has (and I quote) “a tangy, cheesy flavor.”
Feeding the Five Thousand
The recipe says it will serve four. But Laur and I can usually finish off a recipe that says “serves four” all by ourselves. So Laur set about doubling everything.
Garlic and cayenne. Neither of us read the chart that says that you do not need to double the garlic and red pepper. Instead, multiply by 1.25. (And remember, we had already forgotten to factor in the hot spices in the jarred sun-dried tomatoes.)
16oz package of wheat pasta. One of our dinner guests is very allergic to wheat, so we substituted corn pasta. What we failed to realize is that corn pasta weighs about half what wheat pasta does so we bought FOUR bags of it.
1 bunch of kale. Laur and I bought two packages of kale, not thinking that this was “Tina’s” kale - therefore was bigger than the supermarket bundle. And it was only after Laurence had “ribbed” all of it that he realized that a bunch is just one stalk – and he’d prepared 16 of them. We had a shopping bag of kale in our fridge – emphasis on the “had.” Food never goes to waste around here!
Fresh basil. Finding this in an economy grocery stores is not easy. At the third store we went to, the lad showed Laur a basil plant in a pot and said, “You can’t get any fresher than that!” We now have enough basil to start a spaghetti sauce factory. Ah well.
The Crisis
There really wasn’t a crisis, this time. It helps that we’d invited Neal, Anna, and Emma Glauser over (and they’d accepted.) because:
a) Neal has a very calming presence. He could be a drugless anesthesiologist. And he is of the attitude that an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. He prevented Laur from cooking up all four packages of corn pasta (TWO pounds) – assuring him that two packages would be plenty. Yes, we could have simply eaten corn pasta for the next few nights, but we completely forgot that Laur has a corn allergy. He doesn’t swell up and stop breathing, but he does gets a headache.
b) Anna and Neal can eat extremely hot food. Not Emma though, and that was OK because we served her cooked corn pasta without sauce. And I have to tell you, that even I found the sauce VERY hot and I have a reputation for sprinkling on chili peppers the way others do parmesan cheese. Woo hoo!
Any other guests would have “cried Uncle!” (Pleaded for mercy.) BUT, DESPITE ALL, IT WAS VERY TASTY!! (Laurence wanted me to be sure to emphasize this.)
*****
I’ve talked a lot about the pesto and pasta. What about the vegan parmesan? Vegan parmesan is wonderful and if you haven’t had cheese in a very long time it has a cheese-like taste – that’s where the nutritional yeast (remember the “tangy cheesy flavor” promise) and the cashews (46% fat) and the large amount of salt and garlic powder come into play.
We were telling one of our Mennonite friends – you know, the folks who can cook Food That Really Schmecks – about what we were making for supper. After listening to the description of the pesto sauce, she asked, “But, where is the cheese?! Oh right, you’re having parmesan.” And then we had to tell her that it was in fact “vegan parmesan” – ie no cheese. She laughed and then winced, and then talked about the joys of oven-cooked bacon…
If there is heresy in the modern Mennonite Church, it is not having high-fat animal products in every dish! I kid you not - there is an oatmeal cookie recipe in “The Mennonite Treasury of Recipes” that calls for half a cup of bacon fat!
This recipe I am not posting! 😊 But I’ve given you all the hints for finding it …
(The recipe for the pesto, parm, and pasta is at http://eatwildgreens.com/2017/08/23/lemon-kale-pesto-with-vegan-parmesan/)