Smokin’ Hot and Full of Beans! March 21, 2021
Hubs and I love beans. And that is a good thing because we are vegan. There are no less than 18,000 varieties of legumes, but we have a few we circle around. For Laur, it’s pintos – likely because they remind him of Arizona. For me, it’s great northern beans – likely because they remind me of Sudbury.
Anyhoo, it was a Thursday – last Thursday to be exact – and I had an appointment to get my nails done. Something I haven’t done for three years. I’m beyond biting my nails; I chew on my fingers. The only thing that stops this is getting a gel manicure.
And Spring is coming. I might soon be wearing sandals. But, having dropped a freezer on my left food, the nails do not look terribly healthy. Polish covers a multitude of sins.
Normally, I don’t make up a cauldron of beans on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We have Jasper in the morning and I tend to have appointments on those afternoons. And beans have to be watched. But by Wednesday, we were down to our last container of cooked and frozen great northern beans.
I thought, “I can soak the beans overnight on Wednesday. Then I can boil the beans after Jasper-care and before my nail appointment. Then throw the whole works into our crockpot built to accommodate an army. Idiotproof.”
Except yours truly got the time wrong for her nail appointment. It was 1 pm not 2 pm. Gah! But Laur would be home. He could watch them. I said to hubs, “I’m putting them on at 15 to 1. They should come to a boil by 5 to 1. Turn them down to simmer; then turn them off by 2 pm. I should be home by 2 in any event. Idiotproof!” [Editor’s note: Uhuh…]
I took our backup phone with me. And in theory I could have called Laur to remind him. But I accidentally brought our main phone with me too. Not much sense in calling myself.
I was finished a leisurely and lovely pedicure and manicure by 2:20 and thought to myself, “Now would be a good time to visit the GT Boutique!” Giant Tiger, of course. I wanted (and still want) a rectangular basket to put our mits and hats into – something that would fit on the ledge at our patio door… But something was not quite sitting right with me, so I returned to our apartment. Good thing!
I opened the door to find the place billowing with smoke. As concerning, my ratlets were upset. I yelled, “Laurie! The beans!!!” Laur came charging out of his room and coughed his way into the kitchen. He grabbed the pot, put it in the sink, and proceeded to pour could water over it. Boy did it hiss!!! Medusa had nothing on this!
I kept the patio door open and opened all the windows. And I turned our new oscillating fan on. I accidentally bought what is close to an industrial strength fan. Even on low speed it sounds and feels like one is perched beside a military helicopter.
It took an hour or so, but eventually our apartment was cleared of smoke. I went online and found that boiling a mix of water and vinegar would help with the smoke smell, and it has to some degree. We don’t really know – neither of us has a great sense of smell. One of us in particular.
Laur fessed up later that he forgot to turn the burner down to simmer. He looked at the clock at 5 to 2 and thought, “Hmm. Too early to have my chips and pop.” Chips and brown pop are Laur’s answer to Prozac.
Also, Laur likes to keep his bedroom door closed. Why? Because we have a small apartment and I talk to myself. What is worse is I also talk to my hubs. Phrases like “I have an idea…” or “What do you think about…” about give him a heart attack. (My latest is “I think having a patio garden would be good.” Ten minutes later, “I have a phone call with a garden centre booked for the two of us.” Twenty minutes later, “What do you think might be good to plant?” And so on!)
I thought the whole thing was pretty funny actually. I bagged up the beans and took them down to the garbage room. Yes, I’m surprised too. We never throw any food out. In the garbage room, I met up with my friend Eddy (not his real name.) Eddy is a retired firefighter. “Eddy,” I said. “I told my grandson Jasper that a fireman lived in our apartment building and he was thrilled! He loves firetrucks.”
Eddy said, “There are actually three of us living here. The head fire chief, me (also a chief), and a regular fire fighter.”
And when I got back to the apartment and told Laur about this, we both had this horrible realization about what would have happened if we’d set off the smoke detector. WE LIVE IN A SENIORS’ BUILDING. Can you imagine the panic that would have ensued? Old people getting out of the building en masse – many with serious health and mobility challenges. AND the arrival of firetrucks, police cars, and ambulances. Thousands of dollars worth of service – to say nothing of the upset – all over a $2.99 bag of beans!!!
Gah! The worst thing that came of this, other than the pitching of some beans, was a pot that needed to be scoured out. I looked at hubs, he looked at me. And I looked at my newly fashioned nails and said, “Honey, these are jewels not tools!”
*****
Update: We’re having great Northern Beans for supper tonight. Here is the recipe.
https://www.connoisseurusveg.com/slow-cooker-white-bean-soup-tempeh-bacon-vegan-bean-bacon-soup
Anyhoo, it was a Thursday – last Thursday to be exact – and I had an appointment to get my nails done. Something I haven’t done for three years. I’m beyond biting my nails; I chew on my fingers. The only thing that stops this is getting a gel manicure.
And Spring is coming. I might soon be wearing sandals. But, having dropped a freezer on my left food, the nails do not look terribly healthy. Polish covers a multitude of sins.
Normally, I don’t make up a cauldron of beans on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We have Jasper in the morning and I tend to have appointments on those afternoons. And beans have to be watched. But by Wednesday, we were down to our last container of cooked and frozen great northern beans.
I thought, “I can soak the beans overnight on Wednesday. Then I can boil the beans after Jasper-care and before my nail appointment. Then throw the whole works into our crockpot built to accommodate an army. Idiotproof.”
Except yours truly got the time wrong for her nail appointment. It was 1 pm not 2 pm. Gah! But Laur would be home. He could watch them. I said to hubs, “I’m putting them on at 15 to 1. They should come to a boil by 5 to 1. Turn them down to simmer; then turn them off by 2 pm. I should be home by 2 in any event. Idiotproof!” [Editor’s note: Uhuh…]
I took our backup phone with me. And in theory I could have called Laur to remind him. But I accidentally brought our main phone with me too. Not much sense in calling myself.
I was finished a leisurely and lovely pedicure and manicure by 2:20 and thought to myself, “Now would be a good time to visit the GT Boutique!” Giant Tiger, of course. I wanted (and still want) a rectangular basket to put our mits and hats into – something that would fit on the ledge at our patio door… But something was not quite sitting right with me, so I returned to our apartment. Good thing!
I opened the door to find the place billowing with smoke. As concerning, my ratlets were upset. I yelled, “Laurie! The beans!!!” Laur came charging out of his room and coughed his way into the kitchen. He grabbed the pot, put it in the sink, and proceeded to pour could water over it. Boy did it hiss!!! Medusa had nothing on this!
I kept the patio door open and opened all the windows. And I turned our new oscillating fan on. I accidentally bought what is close to an industrial strength fan. Even on low speed it sounds and feels like one is perched beside a military helicopter.
It took an hour or so, but eventually our apartment was cleared of smoke. I went online and found that boiling a mix of water and vinegar would help with the smoke smell, and it has to some degree. We don’t really know – neither of us has a great sense of smell. One of us in particular.
Laur fessed up later that he forgot to turn the burner down to simmer. He looked at the clock at 5 to 2 and thought, “Hmm. Too early to have my chips and pop.” Chips and brown pop are Laur’s answer to Prozac.
Also, Laur likes to keep his bedroom door closed. Why? Because we have a small apartment and I talk to myself. What is worse is I also talk to my hubs. Phrases like “I have an idea…” or “What do you think about…” about give him a heart attack. (My latest is “I think having a patio garden would be good.” Ten minutes later, “I have a phone call with a garden centre booked for the two of us.” Twenty minutes later, “What do you think might be good to plant?” And so on!)
I thought the whole thing was pretty funny actually. I bagged up the beans and took them down to the garbage room. Yes, I’m surprised too. We never throw any food out. In the garbage room, I met up with my friend Eddy (not his real name.) Eddy is a retired firefighter. “Eddy,” I said. “I told my grandson Jasper that a fireman lived in our apartment building and he was thrilled! He loves firetrucks.”
Eddy said, “There are actually three of us living here. The head fire chief, me (also a chief), and a regular fire fighter.”
And when I got back to the apartment and told Laur about this, we both had this horrible realization about what would have happened if we’d set off the smoke detector. WE LIVE IN A SENIORS’ BUILDING. Can you imagine the panic that would have ensued? Old people getting out of the building en masse – many with serious health and mobility challenges. AND the arrival of firetrucks, police cars, and ambulances. Thousands of dollars worth of service – to say nothing of the upset – all over a $2.99 bag of beans!!!
Gah! The worst thing that came of this, other than the pitching of some beans, was a pot that needed to be scoured out. I looked at hubs, he looked at me. And I looked at my newly fashioned nails and said, “Honey, these are jewels not tools!”
*****
Update: We’re having great Northern Beans for supper tonight. Here is the recipe.
https://www.connoisseurusveg.com/slow-cooker-white-bean-soup-tempeh-bacon-vegan-bean-bacon-soup