Re-Entering (or, skidding down the runway…😊) - April 27, 2019
Whenever we return to St. Catharines to our life lease apartment home, I say to my hubs, “Now this is a soft landing!” And it was! But there are always a few bumps and jolts on re-entering our St. Catharines life – having been away for 5 ½ months.
Easter Monday was one of those “re-entry” days. Mostly.
Got up at my usual 6 am – and the coffee was already on. This is part of my inflexible morning routine. I thought, “Maybe Laur set the timer on the coffee pot clock…” I looked. Nope! Still flashing “00:00.” Then I got a little panicky. Did I turn on the coffee and not remember that I did? I do worry about getting Alzheimer’s, I really do.
Since the coffee was made already, I brought Laur his first cup – extra early for him and not fair to wake him up. But I did anyway. “Laur, did you turn on the coffee this morning?” To which he responded in a confused look, “No….” My heart sank and then he said, “Kidding…” Oooh! I thought of threatening not to bring him his first coffee of the day, but I already had.
Got to GoodLife with the forms that prove Laur and I have rejoined and paid for our new membership. We let it lapse for February and March because we’re not in Canada. This is normally a bit of a kerfuffle, but there is this super-amazing, highly competent, all-knowing front desk gal – Jan – who said she would “take it on” while we attended our Body Pump class. (Yes, it amazes me too that Jan and I have the same name.)
Off to the room where Body Pump happens. Figuring out your weights when you’ve been away is very confusing. Yes, we (or I) do BP in Arizona but the weights are very different and we don’t have benches to set up, etc. We both took more weights and types of weights than we could ever use, and we both looked like we had disassembled a car on the gym floor.
The class went wonderfully, at least for me it did. Mind you I think any BP class is wonderful. We did an old release – 63. Much easier than the newer ones. And that was good because putting away that number of weights is an exercise class of its own. Plus we were holding up the stressed-out folks waiting to chill in their yoga class.
Next stop – the pool. I was in there doing my polliwog-speed laps for at least 15 minutes all on my own; I got to worrying about Laurence. Did he forget about swimming? Was he sitting out in the lounge area near the door waiting for me? I also worry about him getting Alzheimer’s.
And then I looked up and saw an older gent wandering up and down the pool lane dangling some blue thing… It was hubs. “What happened?” I asked. He reported that he got back to his locker and the lock wouldn’t open. He tried his combination repeatedly and finally had to get a lad from the front desk to cut off his lock with bolt-cutters. Turns out he had the combo wrong. He did have the combo written down – but it was in his bag on the other side of the locker door. Oops…
The blue thing? His goggles. OK, not his regular swim-goggles – they’re forgotten in Arizona. But his back-up googles. There is a reason he never wears this pair. Every part of it is adjustable and you would need an occupational therapist to get this set up right. He did eventually get them to fit sort of, but they constantly filled up with chlorinated pool water. Even after his shower he looked like he’d been crying for a week. And given the cloudiness of Ontario vs the sunniness of Arizona, I wouldn’t blame him.
Why was he walking up and down the pool lane? There are three swim lanes. We can squeeze in five swimmers. But there is always a 6th hovering on the edge waiting for his or her turn. If you don’t use your lane, you will lose it. There are regular “water-walkers” at GoodLife – sort of like mall-walkers but with less clothing and in water – so Laur fit right in.
After lunch, we had to return an item at W*lm*rt and do a tri-yearly Costco run. Laur got assigned the WM task. I won’t torture my proofreader, Laur, by revisiting that. My task was to start the shopping at Costco. The only reason we have a Costco card is for our breakfast food. I kid you not. Our cart was filled with numerous extra large containers of Bran Buds, dried cranberries, soya milk, walnuts, and flax seed. Plus a few other things that you just cannot resist buying and then wonder whatever possessed you.
I jokingly said to the cashier – bet you’ve never had a $400 breakfast! I was laughing until the total came up. Normally I pay. It’s just better that Laur – being a Scot - bag the groceries and not be at all aware of what we spend there. But my MasterCard had stopped working, so we had to use his. Suffice it to say, Laur almost went into cardiac arrest. Once we got home and had unloaded the car, Laurence went for a “lie-down” that turned into a coma.
OK, life without my Mastercard? Laur would have to come everywhere with me. OK, he pretty much does already, but … Time to get a replacement card. I dialed the number on the back of my Mastercard. I was asked – by a computer voice – if I would like a free cruise. I pushed #2 for “no!” – and then I was disconnected. Grrr. Called again. This time when asked about the free cruise I pushed #1 for “yes!” – and then a lad came on the phone wanting all kinds of info. I told him that I really didn’t want a free cruise; I just wanted to speak to someone at MC. “OK, I’ll connect you…” And then was disconnected again. Grrr.
I went online to find an alternate MC number and found a 416 number. Fabulous. That meant the office was in Toronto and I was happy to pay long distance charges to speak to a human. Dialed the number – the office was closed for Easter Monday!!!
I went online again to find an alternate MC number and found one. Dialed it. I entered the vortex of entering my MC # and being given options and re-entering my MC # and being given options. I pressed “0” – fully expecting to be disconnected. But lo and behold, the computer voice said “transferring you to an attendant…”
“Hello, my name is __________. How may I help you today?” he replied. The problem is I could barely hear him – so much noise in the background on his end. Plus he had an accent that was perfect in his community but very hard to understand for this small town Ontarian. Sadly, I had to ask him to repeat things many times, and that breaks my heart because I know these phone calls are monitored, and if his English is not good enough, he will lose his job. This crowded call centre work is his opportunity to get a bit of a break from grinding poverty…
Eventually I was able to communicate to him that all I wanted was to replace my card – it wasn’t working. He tried to assure me that – looking at my records – it had not been declined. I responded that it was because it wasn’t working at all. He repeated what he just said and I repeated what I just said. Finally, I said, “Please, just send me a replacement card or I won’t be able to shop with my Mastercard!”
He agree to that. But now all the security questions. Half of them I did not understand; the other half I really had to scratch my head about. After about 15 minutes of this he assured me that my replacement MC would arrive in 3 to 5 business days. Is there anything else he could help me with? “NO! But thank you!” Phew!
TIME TO GET OFF THIS RUNAWAY PLANE!
Earlier that weekend, I had Facebook-messaged my niece T and asked if Laur and I could drop by to say HI! to her and her hubs G and their three adorable kids – M, N & V. Most folks might not find having snacks ‘n chats with kids ages 3, 5, and 7 chiming in to be very relaxing, but it is for us. Their parents have to monitor all the shenanigans – we enjoy the entertainment. All we have do to is show up with the (caffeine-free) pop and (low-fat) popcorn (got to pretend to be heathy these days) and it’s an instant party! Laur and I are ever mindful that in January 1989 we had four kids under the age of 10. And ever grateful that those days are long past.
*****
Don’t get me wrong. I am so very aware of how privileged Laur and I are. We actually get to stock up on food vs. lining up for food that doesn’t exist, we get to go to a gym vs. trying to save energy / calories, we get to swim in a pool vs. not having enough water to drink, and we get to have a credit card vs. almost everyone else in the world.
We have so little control over what goes on in our lives and the lives of others. Let us resolve to use what little influence we have to make the world around us kinder and simpler and fairer and jollier.
Easter Monday was one of those “re-entry” days. Mostly.
Got up at my usual 6 am – and the coffee was already on. This is part of my inflexible morning routine. I thought, “Maybe Laur set the timer on the coffee pot clock…” I looked. Nope! Still flashing “00:00.” Then I got a little panicky. Did I turn on the coffee and not remember that I did? I do worry about getting Alzheimer’s, I really do.
Since the coffee was made already, I brought Laur his first cup – extra early for him and not fair to wake him up. But I did anyway. “Laur, did you turn on the coffee this morning?” To which he responded in a confused look, “No….” My heart sank and then he said, “Kidding…” Oooh! I thought of threatening not to bring him his first coffee of the day, but I already had.
Got to GoodLife with the forms that prove Laur and I have rejoined and paid for our new membership. We let it lapse for February and March because we’re not in Canada. This is normally a bit of a kerfuffle, but there is this super-amazing, highly competent, all-knowing front desk gal – Jan – who said she would “take it on” while we attended our Body Pump class. (Yes, it amazes me too that Jan and I have the same name.)
Off to the room where Body Pump happens. Figuring out your weights when you’ve been away is very confusing. Yes, we (or I) do BP in Arizona but the weights are very different and we don’t have benches to set up, etc. We both took more weights and types of weights than we could ever use, and we both looked like we had disassembled a car on the gym floor.
The class went wonderfully, at least for me it did. Mind you I think any BP class is wonderful. We did an old release – 63. Much easier than the newer ones. And that was good because putting away that number of weights is an exercise class of its own. Plus we were holding up the stressed-out folks waiting to chill in their yoga class.
Next stop – the pool. I was in there doing my polliwog-speed laps for at least 15 minutes all on my own; I got to worrying about Laurence. Did he forget about swimming? Was he sitting out in the lounge area near the door waiting for me? I also worry about him getting Alzheimer’s.
And then I looked up and saw an older gent wandering up and down the pool lane dangling some blue thing… It was hubs. “What happened?” I asked. He reported that he got back to his locker and the lock wouldn’t open. He tried his combination repeatedly and finally had to get a lad from the front desk to cut off his lock with bolt-cutters. Turns out he had the combo wrong. He did have the combo written down – but it was in his bag on the other side of the locker door. Oops…
The blue thing? His goggles. OK, not his regular swim-goggles – they’re forgotten in Arizona. But his back-up googles. There is a reason he never wears this pair. Every part of it is adjustable and you would need an occupational therapist to get this set up right. He did eventually get them to fit sort of, but they constantly filled up with chlorinated pool water. Even after his shower he looked like he’d been crying for a week. And given the cloudiness of Ontario vs the sunniness of Arizona, I wouldn’t blame him.
Why was he walking up and down the pool lane? There are three swim lanes. We can squeeze in five swimmers. But there is always a 6th hovering on the edge waiting for his or her turn. If you don’t use your lane, you will lose it. There are regular “water-walkers” at GoodLife – sort of like mall-walkers but with less clothing and in water – so Laur fit right in.
After lunch, we had to return an item at W*lm*rt and do a tri-yearly Costco run. Laur got assigned the WM task. I won’t torture my proofreader, Laur, by revisiting that. My task was to start the shopping at Costco. The only reason we have a Costco card is for our breakfast food. I kid you not. Our cart was filled with numerous extra large containers of Bran Buds, dried cranberries, soya milk, walnuts, and flax seed. Plus a few other things that you just cannot resist buying and then wonder whatever possessed you.
I jokingly said to the cashier – bet you’ve never had a $400 breakfast! I was laughing until the total came up. Normally I pay. It’s just better that Laur – being a Scot - bag the groceries and not be at all aware of what we spend there. But my MasterCard had stopped working, so we had to use his. Suffice it to say, Laur almost went into cardiac arrest. Once we got home and had unloaded the car, Laurence went for a “lie-down” that turned into a coma.
OK, life without my Mastercard? Laur would have to come everywhere with me. OK, he pretty much does already, but … Time to get a replacement card. I dialed the number on the back of my Mastercard. I was asked – by a computer voice – if I would like a free cruise. I pushed #2 for “no!” – and then I was disconnected. Grrr. Called again. This time when asked about the free cruise I pushed #1 for “yes!” – and then a lad came on the phone wanting all kinds of info. I told him that I really didn’t want a free cruise; I just wanted to speak to someone at MC. “OK, I’ll connect you…” And then was disconnected again. Grrr.
I went online to find an alternate MC number and found a 416 number. Fabulous. That meant the office was in Toronto and I was happy to pay long distance charges to speak to a human. Dialed the number – the office was closed for Easter Monday!!!
I went online again to find an alternate MC number and found one. Dialed it. I entered the vortex of entering my MC # and being given options and re-entering my MC # and being given options. I pressed “0” – fully expecting to be disconnected. But lo and behold, the computer voice said “transferring you to an attendant…”
“Hello, my name is __________. How may I help you today?” he replied. The problem is I could barely hear him – so much noise in the background on his end. Plus he had an accent that was perfect in his community but very hard to understand for this small town Ontarian. Sadly, I had to ask him to repeat things many times, and that breaks my heart because I know these phone calls are monitored, and if his English is not good enough, he will lose his job. This crowded call centre work is his opportunity to get a bit of a break from grinding poverty…
Eventually I was able to communicate to him that all I wanted was to replace my card – it wasn’t working. He tried to assure me that – looking at my records – it had not been declined. I responded that it was because it wasn’t working at all. He repeated what he just said and I repeated what I just said. Finally, I said, “Please, just send me a replacement card or I won’t be able to shop with my Mastercard!”
He agree to that. But now all the security questions. Half of them I did not understand; the other half I really had to scratch my head about. After about 15 minutes of this he assured me that my replacement MC would arrive in 3 to 5 business days. Is there anything else he could help me with? “NO! But thank you!” Phew!
TIME TO GET OFF THIS RUNAWAY PLANE!
Earlier that weekend, I had Facebook-messaged my niece T and asked if Laur and I could drop by to say HI! to her and her hubs G and their three adorable kids – M, N & V. Most folks might not find having snacks ‘n chats with kids ages 3, 5, and 7 chiming in to be very relaxing, but it is for us. Their parents have to monitor all the shenanigans – we enjoy the entertainment. All we have do to is show up with the (caffeine-free) pop and (low-fat) popcorn (got to pretend to be heathy these days) and it’s an instant party! Laur and I are ever mindful that in January 1989 we had four kids under the age of 10. And ever grateful that those days are long past.
*****
Don’t get me wrong. I am so very aware of how privileged Laur and I are. We actually get to stock up on food vs. lining up for food that doesn’t exist, we get to go to a gym vs. trying to save energy / calories, we get to swim in a pool vs. not having enough water to drink, and we get to have a credit card vs. almost everyone else in the world.
We have so little control over what goes on in our lives and the lives of others. Let us resolve to use what little influence we have to make the world around us kinder and simpler and fairer and jollier.