Meanwhile at Granny Marj’s House… - August 31, 2019
I tease my hubs that I find new uses for him all the time. And thankfully he has a great sense of humour. As does my Mom. This has come in very handy in the past few days.
My Mom had a fall – these things happen when you are 97. These things happen when you are 62 as well. Except my Mom had the grace not to break anything, unlike her clumsy daughter who broke her collar bone.
When I broke my collar bone Laur became my chauffeur, chef, and house cleaner. Actually the last category he has been doing for some time. Even when I clean something, he often recleans it. It’s not that he’s that good, it’s that I am that bad.
Anyhoo, Laur now runs a Personal Escort service. Hmm, that doesn’t sound very good. Let me explain. While Mom is recovering, she needs someone to escort her around her house. Perhaps I should say, Laur is now a Personal Support Worker.
If you know my Mom, you’ll know anything she can do herself, she will do. But she hasn’t quite figured out how to walk behind herself in case her injuries make her feel faint. Yes, ideally, it should be me, but I have a fractured clavicle so I just supervise.
You might think that this is a very sombre situation, and truly the pain Mom is in is no picnic. But we do have our funny moments. We had to come up professional names for ourselves. Laurence is “Lorence Nightingale” because he is actually a very thoughtful caregiver. Makes sure Mom is good and comfy in her bed, and he got Mom a bell to ring – I kid you not – so that she wouldn’t walk around doing things without him close by. (Mom is not ringing the bell – I can’t imagine why.)
Laurence insists on making Mom’s scrambled eggs himself. “Jannie, you don’t stir them enough and you burn them.” This is true. Also, Mom’s pasta, “Jannie, the water has to come to a rolling boil. And the spaghetti has to be bendy.” It is also true that I take “al dente” to an extreme.
We have been trying to come up with a nickname for me. Laur suggested that because my last name is Carrie that “Madame Curie” might be good – you know, the physicist and chemist who conducted pioneering research on radioactivity. But while I’ve been on the receiving end of many X-rays – crunching myself as much as I do – I’ve never given one. And while I love curry – this has nothing to do with Mom.
I suggested “Nurse Ratchet” – the nasty nurse from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. But I’m not nasty, I simply don’t have a gentle touch. If I wash you – not that I’m washing Mom – you’ll have a layer of skin removed. If I’m giving you meds, I’ll give you a handful of them at a time and expect you to swill them back with a mouthful of water, and swallow them en masse.
You may very well be asking yourself what use I am in Mom’s recovery, other than bringing her a son-in-law forty three years ago who is being very helpful now. What I bring is determination. I am determined to keep Mom out of a Nursing home. I only have half the determination of my mom but then again she has level 5 determination. My Mom’s version of the Serenity Prayer would be this:
God, grant OTHERS the serenity to accept that I have no intention of changing,
Courage to watch me do the things I am going to do anyways,
And wisdom to stay the heck out of my way.